


Be My Mistake

by inarizakillme, moonstarkeiji



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, M/M, Open Relationship, Unfaithfulness, angry yet consensual sex, drinking and alcohol, sorry Atsumu we luv u
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:49:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27300724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inarizakillme/pseuds/inarizakillme, https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonstarkeiji/pseuds/moonstarkeiji
Summary: Atsumu needs love, Atsumu wants Hinata.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, side OsaAka
Comments: 7
Kudos: 48
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Be My Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Day 3: defeat

Miya Atsumu had it all; a handsome face, a good career and a great relationship with his family. He’s happy with his life, he’s winning it, couldn’t ask for anything better, except maybe for one thing.

“Ya really don’t have ta’ have a partner just for the sake of it.”

“But I want one!” Atsumu whines and stomps his feet.

Osamu, brows knitted, watching his brother pouting like a child who’s sulking because he couldn't eat candies before dinner. He sighs, why is his brother an idiot.

“Why though?”

“Why not?”

“Are ya dumb?”

“Fuck you.”

Osamu rolls his eyes, he wipes the final plate and puts them on the rack to be dried. He swings the towel onto his shoulders, looking over the counter in case he misses anything. Atsumu downs the final tea like a shot, burping right after.

“I just think, maybe it’s time for me to have someone… ya know. Someone to live with, to be lovey dovey with.” Atsumu blushes just a little bit, moving his cup in the air.

“Euw.”

“Oh come on! You and ‘Kaashi-kun are ridiculously romantic and I want that too!”

Osamu chuckles a bit because it’s true. Ever since he met Akaashi, his life has been nothing but flowers and rainbows. He could smother this to his twin’s face for fun, but the way he sees it, Atsumu is pretty serious for once about wanting someone, a partner. All his life, as much as Osamu would deny it til his deathbed, Atsumu has better looks than him, nay, a lot of things in life, he’s better at it compared to Osamu. But luck was never on his side when it comes to finding love.

He blames it on his shitty personality, no doubt. 

“Whatever happened to Hiyori-san?” Atsumu gives a big sigh and lays his head on the table.

“She said I’m ‘too full of myself’, what does that even supposed to mean?”

“Well, you’ve always had yer big ass ego. Who’d wanna have a relationship with that.”

Atsumu’s eyebrows twitches. “No I don’t.”

“Remember Mamoru-kun? You broke up because he sucked in sports.”

“He was pulling back the team, and cried when I said he should practice some more. What a baby.”

“Hikari-chan?”

“Not my fault she’s jealous of my co-workers.”

“Makoto-san?”

“We didn’t have a lot in common,” Atsumu’s eyes narrowed, “or something like he didn’t like how I ‘talked to him’. Can you believe that?”

Osamu shakes his head, “Yer a lost cause bro.”

Atsumu sighs again for the third time that night, pushing the cup towards his brother. “Fine. I just don’t want to lose to ya.”

Atsumu hears his twin groan, hands on his head, fully understanding where this is heading. This has been going on since they were children, their nonsense, immature wranglish fight over who has the better life.

“I can’t believe you’re still on about that.”

“We never said it’s over. And I’m still in this 150%.” Atsumu gives his innocent grin, challenging his brother. His brother glares at him, face contorts into annoyance. He knows this is childish, but he can’t seem to be content unless he’s on par or above of his twin. And right now, he wants a relationship to be on the same level as Osamu.

“A penthouse suite in Shibuya, a distinguished position at a top tech company, a shit ton of money _and_ you bought Ma the handbag that costs the same as Keiji’s paycheck she’s been wantin’ since forever. And ya still think yer losing?” Atsumu pouts, spewing more crap that Osamu didn’t bother to listen to anymore.

It’s just Atsumu, he hates losing, hates being seen as inadequate, but that’s just how he is. Maybe, just maybe, meeting one of Akaashi’s friends would be safe. So far, his friends are all delightful, sort of. Osamu thinks about this for a second, and thinks no harm can happen.

“Well, next weekend Keiji and I are having a housewarming party. Keiji’s inviting some of his friends over, maybe ya can come and meet up with em? Heard they’re some of his Tokyo friends back in high school.”

Atsumu perks up from his seat and his whole face lit up.

“Oh hell yeah! Are ya tryna set me up with ‘Kaashi-kun’s friends, Samu?” Osamu smacks him with his towel.

“I’ll text ya the info. Don’t make me regret inviting ya.” Osamu closes the lights and moves around the counter to switch the final lights off. Then, they both walk out of the store, locking the doors.

“Wait, ya didn’t tell me yer movin’ in with ‘Kaashi-kun?!” Atsumu shouts. Osamu really thinks his brother is a total idiot.

“Ah, Atsumu-san’s here, Samu.”

Akaashi softly taps Osamu’s chest, pointing towards the door. Osamu excuses himself from the circle before removing his arms from Akaashi’s waist, kissing his head and walking to his brother. Atsumu smiles, holding up two bottles of champagne in his hands. The twins hug, and Osamu immediately inspects the bottle, awe transforming his face.

“Damn Tsumu, this is expensive shit. I’m tellin’ ma ya spendin’ all yer money on booze.” Osamu said, making Atsumu jokingly gasp.

“How dare ya, when I’m just here to celebrate my baby brother’s house warming party!” Osamu laughs, thanking him for the drinks.

“Come on, I’ll introduce ya to Keiji’s friends.”

As the evening goes by, Atsumu meets with some of Akaashi’s high school friends and becomes close with a guy named Bokuto. They had a drink or two, or three, he wasn’t entirely sure anymore. Good thing Atsumu’s good at handling alcohol, unlike some of the other guests who start to sing their old highschool anthem. He had a good time, especially with Samu’s food.

It’s been 2 hours since he arrived, he checks his wrist watch. He was about to get himself another drink when he heard Bokuto shouting.

“Hinata! You made it!”

Atsumu whips his head towards the door and his breath stops.

A mop of orange hair on top of golden, tanned skin, eyes that look like it holds a thousand suns and a smile so bright, Atsumu couldn’t stop staring. He took in the sight of the living art walking into the house with an apologetic face, saying sorry to Akaashi that he was late. 

Atsumu didn’t notice how long he’s been staring, but it’s enough to get Kuroo, another friend of Akaashi’s, to wrap his arm around him.

“With the way your eyes are boring holes into the shorty, I’m guessing you’re interested.” Atsumu turns his head to Kuroo, who’s face and whole existence resembles that of a cat.

“Wha- no I’m not. He’s just late, so I was lookin’.”

“Sure you are, with little blushes on the face, _sure you are_.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you do.”

Okay, maybe he has been staring. But that’s because the guy is so… so-

“I can introduce you to him. If you want to.”

“Really?!” Atsumu answers a bit too quickly, mentally slapping himself when Kuroo just grins even more slyly.

Kuroo walks towards Hinata, with arms still around Atsumu pulling him together with him. Atsumu’s heart is racing, his body completely frozen as they approach the shorter guy. 

“Wait- wait- I’m-”

“Hey, Hinata! Glad you could make it!” Kuroo removes his arms to give Hinata a hug.

“Kuroo-san! I’m sorry, work was piling up, and I had to call a cab-”

“Yeah, yeah, hey have you met my friend here?”

Kuroo gives Atsumu, who’s standing stiff as a statue, a little push towards Hinata. Atsumu’s eyes were blown wide, a hint of crimson on his cheeks. He didn’t know what to say, or do, or even breathe for fucks’ sake. His eyes are burning from the beauty of him up close.

“I believe I have not. Hi, Hinata Shoyo. You are?” Hinata extends his hands, with a wide grin on his face, which slowly morphs into confusion as seconds pass by but Atsumu isn’t moving.

“Psst, dude, I think this is the moment you’re supposed to shake hands with him.” Kuroo whispers, which brings Atsumu back to reality. He quickly grabs Hinata’s hands and shakes embarrassingly fast.

“Atsumu! Miya Atsumu.”

“Oh! So you’re the other twin! Nice to finally meet you.”

“I’ll leave ya to it.” Kuroo walks away from them, giving a quick wink. Atsumu is still holding Hinata’s hands, still moving up and down. Hinata smiles slightly, looking at their joint hands.

“I’ve heard a lot of things about Miya-san’s twin brother. But I didn’t hear that he liked shaking hands though.” Atsumu, realising what Hinata said, apologised and removed his hands, shyly scratching the back of his head.

“Sorry, ya must’ve heard a lot of bad shit about me from Samu.” Hinata chuckles, and _fuck that’s so cute_.

“Maybe, but I kinda think that he’s wrong about one thing though.”

Atsumu’s forehead creased, raising an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

“That he’s the good looking twin.”

Atsumu thinks it’s maybe the wine intoxicating him, maybe he’s drunk though he’s not even tipsy, but it’s the way Hinata is smiling so seducingly that Atsumu’s wires snap. _He’s flirting with me right, I’m not dreaming, right?_

“Ah, I see you two finally met.” Akaashi and Osamu stand between the two, and Hinata automatically grabs Akaashi’s arms, hugging tightly. Atsumu was taken aback at the action, but tries to remain cool about it. 

“Akaashi-san! Your house is really nice. I’m so happy for you two!” Akaashi smiles, thanking him as well. The two talk a bit more about the house; how Hinata has always been amazed with Akaashis’ sense in interior design. Atsumu stares at the ball of sunshine, not noticing the way Osamu was looking at him from the side. Hinata then pulls Akaashi to the food, complaining how he’s famished thinking about Osamu’s food the whole day.

He thinks it’s maybe the twin telepathy shit people always talk about, but it’s actually pretty true among the Miya Twins when Osamu speaks to him about Hinata.

“I don’t think ya should be talkin’ with Hinata-san.” The corner of Atsumu’s mouth curves up. Oh he likes where this is going. “And before ya ask why, he’s not one of Keiji’s friends that I… like, so to speak.”

“Do ya say this to everyone who asks ya ‘bout me? You don’t like me too.”

Osamu rolls his eyes. “Ya know what I mean, idiot.”

Atsumu gives a light laugh, mischief in his eyes staring at Hinata’s back. The petite man is breathtakingly beautiful, he wants to know more about him.

“Ya told me to get to know Kaashi-kun’s friend, this is exactly what I’m doing.” he smirks to Osamu.

“Bullshit Tsumu, I’m telling ya he-”

“Miya-san! How the heck did you make sandwiches so good? It’s just a sandwich and it’s the best tasting sandwich I’ve ever had!” Osamu and Atsumu turn towards the little figure in front of them, holding a big plate of food on one hand, a fistful of the sandwich on the other. Akaashi’s next to him holding his drink, laughing lightly.

“He said it’s the sauce, it’s a _secret_ , I don’t even know the recipe.” Akaashi teases. “Which reminds me, Samu, the sandwiches are finished.” Osamu nods, and goes to the kitchen to get some more, leaving the three of them. Atsumu’s eyes are fixated at Hinata, obliviously munching his food happily.

“So Atsumu-san, Samu told me you’re getting a promotion soon? That’s great news.” Akaashi asks.

“Yeah, finally huh. Guess my hard work hearing an earful from the bosses were worth it.”

“What’re you working as, Miya san?” Hinata asks from his side, and Atsumu has to restrict himself from pinching his cute stuffed cheeks.

This is his chance to flex and impress him. “Director at Inari Tech.” he said, and it worked, Hinata’s eyes went round, mouthing a wow.

“Handsome _and_ a good job? Impressive, Miya-san.” HInata purrs, voice like honey and Atsumu couldn’t help but smirk.

“Please, just Atsumu is fine.”

“I better go help Samu. You two enjoy yourselves.”

Akaashi left the two, and they talked for hours. Atsumu instantly clicks with Hinata, talking chirpily and animatedly. Apparently he met and befriended Akaashi at the bar that Akaashi used to work as a bartender years ago. He remembers vaguely about it, Samu told him. They talk about life, work, a lot of common interests, everything falls into place and Atsumu is falling head over heels, fast.

He’s also positive that Hinata is interested in him too. The soft playful touches when he laughs, arms grazing and shoulder touches. It's subtle, and it’s driving Atsumu nuts.

But as much as he wants to spend the whole night with the orange haired beauty, he has to go home soon as he has a meeting the next day, unfortunately. Hinata _pouts_ and walks with him out of the house after bidding goodbye to Akaashi and Osamu. 

“I had a great time, Hinata-san. We should meet again, soon.”

“I’d love to, let’s exchange phone numbers.” Atsumu stares at Hinata’s lips, who’s biting it so suggestively Atsumu is convinced Hinata likes him as well. Atsumu shakes his head, concentrating on putting his phone number into the latter’s phone, and giving it back, not without Hinata lightly touching his hand a second longer, and gives a quick kiss on his cheek. Atsumu blinks, and feels a blush creeping on his face.

Ever since that day, he and Hinata meet up again, and again, and again. He’s been seeing him almost 3 days a week, and that’s saying something. They like each other’s company, and they both have good chemistry together. He’s whipped, he’s falling deeper and he’s not trying to find a way out. But there is one thing he’s curious about Hinata.

“Why aren’t ya in a relationship, Shoyo?” They’re on a first name basis, and Atsumu likes the way his name rolls from his tongue. Hinata laughs, sipping on his coffee.

“I could ask the same thing to you, Mr. I-Have-Everything-In-Life.”

“Maybe I’ve been waiting for someone like you.” Atsumu says, confident.

Hinata’s face went blank. “Are you... asking me out, Atsumu?”  
“Probably?”

Hinata places his cup on the table, crossing his arms together. He hums as he looks up to the ceiling, pouting.

“Hmm… Well the reason I’m single is because, I'm not really into commitments, or any relationships for that matter. I like my freedom, you know, not tied up to anybody.” Hinata then smiles, “But, I do like you Atsumu, though I’m not sure if my preferences would suit yours, you get what I mean?”

Atsumu’s forehead creased, “I don’t get it?”

“I don’t like being committed to one partner.”

“So ya don’t want a boyfriend?”

“Or a girlfriend, no. It’s fun seeing many people while I’m still so young.”

Atsumu takes a while before he answers. This won’t be bad, right? Hinata just likes to be with other people while not being committed to one, that’s like he just wants to have fun, no titles and all. That’s actually pretty hot, Atsumu thinks. Maybe his wires are crossed like that, but maybe if he could get a piece of Hinata in any way that he could, he’ll take it. Besides, what could go wrong with a little fun?

“Seems fine to me.” Atsumu lays back on his chair, hands behind his head. Hinata’s face brightens.

“You’re okay with that?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Thank you, Atsumu, very sexy of you” Hinata jokes light heartedly as he leans into the blonde. “Why don’t I show you my appreciation” he drawls into Atsumu’s ear, sending a shiver down his spine. Hinata’s hand snakes to Atsumu’s pants zipper and he leans down, mouthing Atsumu through his briefs. 

“Shoyo, let’s move to the bed.” Hinata hums on a semi-hard Atsumu, “No thanks.” Atsumu has one hand in Hinata’s hair and the other holding on to the arm rest for dear life. The only sound in the living room is Hinata’s wet panting as he drives Atsumu to his climax. 

Atsumu is happy with this arrangement. Just thinking about him makes Atsumu feel like a teenager again, giddy with a side of horny.  
Any free time Atsumu has is spent going on dates with Hinata. They check out the latest cafes and take stupid selfies, posting them on his instagram, hands never off each other. Even without a clear label, Atsumu acts like the doting boyfriend he thinks he is. He always pays for their meals and anywhere Hinata wants to go, they’ll go with Atsumu’s Audi R8. Just driving around, one hand on the steering wheel and the other on Hinata’s thigh is enough to excite him. His backseat has been put to good use with Hinata around. With how compatible their bodies are, their dates almost always end with Hinata under Atsumu, not that anyones complaining. 

Only a few months into their ‘relationship’ Atsumu asks Hinata to move in with him.

“Hmm can I ask why Atsumu? I kinda like having my own place.”

“Well we’re together more often than not so I thought maybe ya’d like to.”

“Ah.”

“I don’t think it’ll change anything. Ya can still do whatever ya do like usual, I won't hold ya back.”

“I can’t say no now can I?” Hinata chuckles “sure i’ll move in with you Atsumu.”

They celebrate their first night as roommates wrapped up around the sheets, moaning each other's name.

Just as Atsumu promises, nothing really changes for Hinata. He still spends some nights out only to come back the next morning. He’ll make his way into their bed, sometimes smelling like someone else, and snuggles a half asleep Atsumu. Atsumu sleeps it off. If he’s jealous, Hinata doesn’t need to know. He tells himself it’s to look cool in Hinata’s eyes. 

Today, they’re going to a cafe that Hinata has been dying to go to. It’s a bit far from where they’re staying, so Hinata never had the chance to. But Atsumu is more than willing to drive them there. The sight of a giddy Hinata next to him gives more than enough reason for him to drive for almost an hour there. Hinata has been talking non-stop, about how the place sells good cannelle, how the drinks can be alcoholic if you have the secret password, to which Hinata has, and how he’s been looking at all the pictures of the interior design of said cafe. Atsumu laughs and agrees to everything the orange haired beauty says by giving small squeezes on his thighs, not really putting much attention while driving.

The cafe wasn’t crowded, but enough people for it to be filled with chatterings. They walk in, Hinata excitedly looking over the counter at the pastries, when suddenly they hear their names being called. They turn to the sound, and meet with a smirking Kuroo and a delighted Bokuto waving at them frantically from their table. Atsumu and Hinata waved back, and went to their table after taking their orders.

“Tsumu-san! It’s been a long time, hasn’t it!” Bokuto is still as loud as ever, Atsumu notes, as he pats his back a tad bit too hard.

“Yeah, long time no see. How are ya two doing?”

“We’re good. This cafe’s kinda far from your area, huh?”

“Yeah, Shoyo here wanted to come, so I drove us here.”

Kuroo looks at them, the corners of his mouth quirk up. “Oh, I didn’t know you guys were close.”

“Yeah, we’re a couple,” Atsumu says with a big grin, wrapping his arms around Hinata. He didn’t notice how Hinata’s eyes widened, looking at him confusingly. He was about to say something before being cut off by Bokuto’s squealing.

“Oh my god! You guys look so cute together! I’m so happy you introduced them together, Kuroo!” Bokuto hugs Kuroo tightly, vibrating with excitement. Atsumu laughs, only wrapping himself to Hinata closer. “We can do double dates now!”

“Well, well, can’t believe someone managed to tie down Hinata after all these years. Sounds like a celebration!” Kuroo picks up his cup, followed by Bokuto and Atsumu, and Hinata hesitantly does the same.

“To the new couple! And for Hinata to finally settle down!” Bokuto laughs loudly, and clink their drinks together. They talk a bit more, chatting about Bokuto’s new workplace and volleyball, mostly Bokuto showing them Chiko’s picture to them, their new adopted cat. Hinata was quiet most of the time, plastering a fake smile from time to time, glancing at Atsumu who was happily eating the pastries.

It’s nearly night time when they arrive home, and Hinata instantly bursts their bubble.

“Boyfriend?”

Hinata and Atsumu take off their shoes and walk into their house. Atsumu laughs it off, pouring fresh brewed coffee into his mug in the kitchen. The ride home was primarily quiet, Hinata thought it’ll be better to ask about it at home.

“You know we’re not a couple, why did you lie to them?” Hinata glares at Atsumu, arms crossing on his chest.

“Technically, we kinda are”

“Huh?”

“We live together, we go on a lot of dates and have amazing sex. So, we kinda are.”

“No we are not. I told you I don’t want labels, in case you forgot about that.”

Atsumu walks over to Hinata, cupping his face, “Okay, sorry I said it without much thought. I’m just very happy that you’re here with me, that’s all” and pulls Hinata closer by the waist. Hinata sighs, putting his arms around Atsumu’s neck. “I won’t do it again, promise. I like you a lot, is all.”

“I like you too, Atsumu. But please don’t call me that again.” Hinata kisses Atsumu’s neck, earning a low moan from the blonde. Hinata smirks, licking and biting the area instead. In one swift motion, Atsumu swoops up Hinata and moves to their shared bed.

Atsumu throws the smaller man on the bed, unbuttoning his own shirt, looking down at Hinata lustfully. Hinata giggles, propping his hand to sit up, moving towards Atsumu’s pants and opening the zipper swiftly. Atsumu groans when Hinata rubs his face on top of his clothed crotch, biting it teasingly.

“Fuck… Shoyo.” Atsumu moans as Hinata takes his dick whole in his mouth, tongue swiveling around his head.. He’s so good at this, and it’s making Atsumu’s head dizzy. The room is filled with his low moan, and Hinata’s wet slurping sounds. He grabs a fistful of orange hair, thrusting frantically to the back of Hinata’s throat.

He pulls Hinata away, watching a thread of saliva connected from his dick to Hinata’s red, swollen lips. “You look so beautiful, Shoyo.”

Hinata hums, turning around and letting Atsumu undo his clothes while he’s on all fours. He gasps when Atsumu circles his lubed fingers around the rim, pushing back for more contact. Atsumu gladly complied, sticking in a finger, gradually adding more and making Hinata whimper at the addition. He rips open a condom packet with his free hand and pushes it down his length. He pulls out his fingers, and turns Hinata around. He likes it better when he can see his face, eyes gleaming with tears and panting.

Bending Hinata’s legs, he thrusts in easily. Hinata cries out as his hole is filled with Atsumu. He smirks, he loves the sound, it’s stroking his ego proudly knowing he’s large enough to elicit this reaction. It starts slow, but as adrenaline and thirst floods through his vein, his pace quickens. He watches Hinata squeeze his eyes shut, tears brimming at the corner and mouth repeating Atsumu’s name like a prayer.

“Yeah, say my name, baby.”

He loves this, he wants to devour Hinata whole, wants this sight to burn into his mind and keep it only to himself. He suddenly feels a flicker of irritation when he remembers the countless other people that get to see Hinata like this too, and jealousy overtook him. He hovers over Hinata and places his hands beside his head, pulling out right to the tip of the head, and plunges into Hinata hard. Hinata screams, clawing Atsumu’s arms, and he thrusts again, and again, and again.

“At- sumu- I- ahh, slo- please- slow down” Atsumu ignores his plea, his movements getting faster, heavier, angrier. He nudges his face to Hinata’s neck, biting and licking everywhere to mark him.

“Ah, mine, you’re mine Shoyo, so beautiful. You’re so beautiful like this.”

His pace gets quicker, noticing how he’s nearing, he sits up, and pumping Hinata’s neglected dick in his hands. Hinata wails, tugging the sheets above him for dear life. He comes, white cum spilling all over his torso, and soon after Atsumu joins him, spilling into the condom and riding his climax. He removes himself from Hinata, tying off the condom and throwing it away. He lays next to the drowsy figure, panting. Atsumu turns, spooning Hinata close to his chest, enjoying the warmth of his body. He sees Hinata’s breathing slowing down, lids getting heavier.

“I love you so much, Shoyo.” He whispers to Hinata as he falls asleep, not realising Hinata’s body stiffening.

“So, I heard yer dating Hinata-san now. And ya moved in together? Did’ja really think I wouldn’t find out, ya ass.”

Atsumu rolls his eyes, stuffing the udon into his mouth. It’s scorching hot, but it’s so good he didn’t mind the burn on his tongue. Osamu squints, then smacks his twin’s head.

“Ow! You asshole! Why’re ya so mad about? Damn it, I bet it’s Bokuto who told ya.”

“He told Keiji, more precisely, calling him at 11PM on a weekday just to squeal about how he’s so happy you two finally got together. Fuck Tsumu I told ya not to get involved with him.”

Atsumu places his chopsticks on the bowl, wiping down his mouth with a napkin. He knew this would happen, Bokuto didn’t seem to be the type to not tell the whole world about other people’s business. But he knows this, he knows Osamu warned him about Hinata, but he couldn’t help it, not when it was his brother who told him no. His ego wouldn’t let him lose.

“And I’m just supposed to do anything you say, huh?”

“Goddamnit Tsumu. I’ve known Hinata-san for a while, much longer than ya do. He’s not exactly the type you’d go for. Do ya even know he-”

“Sleeps around with a lot of people? I’m well aware.” Atsumu cuts off, ignoring his brother’s surprised face.

“And yer okay with that?” Atsumu shrugs. “Wow, who the fuck are ya and what’d ya done to my stupid brother?”

“Ha ha, very funny,”

“I’m serious, yer never like this. Ever. At all. Yer jealousy and possessiveness is off the roof. And yer _okay_ ’ with Hinata-san _sleeping_ around with other people?” Osamu curls his two fingers as he defines the words harder.

“I am! I’m a chill guy.”

“Say that to Tao-san who ya broke up with because ‘he talks to the mailman for an extra 10 minutes than usual.”

“That was the past, I’m totally over it.”

“No yer not.”

Atsumu didn’t respond, instead picking up where he left off with his food. Osamu’s right, he is a jealous person, everybody is. Who likes it when their partner talks a bit too much with strangers, or laughs over something he wouldn’t understand. Or perhaps just someone who flirts around… or sleeps with others…

No. he cannot lose to his brother, nor lose his pride as a free-spirited man with Hinata. He wants, for once, to actually be with someone and prove to his brother that he’s right about someone Osamu says to avoid. He wants to prove that he too can be chill with Hinata’s boisterous flirtings, and that in the end he’d come back home to Atsumu. Hinata won’t do it in front of him, he likes Atsumu too. He’d respect him enough not to.

“Samu, I can take care of myself, relax.” Atsumu says, hoping it’s enough for Osamu to believe him. His brother stares at him for a while, before sighing.

“I’m just trying to look out for ya.”

“Don’t have ta. Look out for yerself.”

Osamu’s words stick in his mind for days, and he hates how he’s right when Atsumu can feel his limit reaching an all time high. 8 months in, he and Hinata still go on dates, still have the best sex ever, and sleep together in their shared bed. But the times where Hinata doesn’t come back home for days, he feels anger stirring within him. He knows Hinata is out and about with random people, he knows what the smaller man is doing too without even asking, and oh how he’s fisting his hands hard to keep himself from punching the wall.

Sometimes when they have sex, Atsumu notices marks and bites in places he didn’t before; inner thighs, shoulders, around the nipples, places he didn’t mark with his mouth. When asked, Hinata would laugh and dismiss it, saying it was probably the people he slept with before and he didn’t notice them. Atsumu suppresses from asking more, forcing a smile while he hears his stories. He didn’t lash out his anger, no, but he retorts by placing more marks on Hinata’s body, places where it’ll be more visible for the public to know that Hinata’s is his. Their angry sex makes up for his jealousy, and usually he’d be okay afterwards. But tonight, after a terribly strainful and busy day at work, he thought of maybe cuddling with Hinata, have some wine and some romantic sex. But it’s late, and his knees are bouncing anxiously. Then, the doors open.

“You said you’d be home by 11” Atsumu says as Hinata passes the genkan. A single light is switched on in their living room, he perches on the couch half hidden in the shadow, glass half filled and a bottle of wine empty, purposely looking anywhere but at Hinata.

“I told you I was meeting friends.”

“That’s what you said last time too.”

“And that’s what I was doing.”

A minute passes in silence. It could’ve only been a few seconds but Atsumu is tired of counting time. Tired of waiting for an explanation.

“I’m going to bed. I don’t know why you’re sulking” Hinata moves towards him and reaches out to stroke his stray hair and Atsumu lets his face be caressed, trying so hard not to savour the touch too much. Hinata knows how to touch him and he hates him for it. Except he doesn’t hate it. As if he could ever hate Hinata. But everything’s just so hard, and his emotions are jumbling up into one ball of mess due to the amount of alcohol he’s consumed.

“Have you been drinking? What’s the occasion?” Hinata asks, holding up the bottle and studying the label, “Oof, and an expensive one at that.”

“I was waitin’ for ya to drink together, but I didn’t account that you’d be out later than promised.”

He glances at his phone, 2:17AM, 3 hours of waiting for Hinata to come home to him. 

“Well, I didn’t promise anything, and you didn’t plan this beforehand. How was I supposed to know?”

“I asked when ya’d be back home, wasn’t that a hint enough?”

“No? Come on Atsumu, we’re not doing this again. Let’s go to sleep, yeah?” Hinata pulls him off the couch, guiding him to their bed.

The bed dips as Shoyo goes under the covers, scooting over to Atsumu’s side of the bed. Atsumu lays down to face him, and that’s when he sees a fresh new hickey on his neck, right below his jawline. Atsumu is simmering with anger, but Hinata is quick to kiss him on the lips, effectively distracting him. The soft kiss slowly turns into a full makeout session, and eventually Atsumu hovering on top of Hinata.

As the night goes by and they are both panting, sweat glimmering on their skin, Atsumu stares at the figure next to him. He thinks, if he can change him, one day Hinata will trade his lifestyle for Atsumu. He wants Hinata so bad, he wants him all for himself, and he wants to rub it all over Osamu’s face. He sighs, pulling Hinata close to him, maybe for now he takes what he can get.

“Shoyo, why don’t we just stay home tonight. It’s been a while since we had some us time” Atsumu suggests with Hinata cuddled up beside him on the couch, full from their Chinese takeout dinner. 

“Aw come on Atsumu, you said we’d check out the new bar last week. I hear the dance floor is made of LED panels. Anddd the booze is great” Hinata winks and drags out the last part, laughing when Atsumu rolls his eyes.

“Ya really think I’m an alcoholic don't ya?” As if Atsumu could say no to his lover, and the thought of Hinata on the dance floor did turn him on a bit, not that he’ll say it out loud.

“Probably,” Hinata laughs when his cheeks are being pinched, playfully hitting Atsumu’s chest. “But really, let’s go. So many of my friends said this one’s the best they’ve been to and I’ll regret not going!”

Atsumu thinks about it, yes he did promise to Hinata that he’d go with him, because surprisingly, he has never followed him to any of his nightly activities. The amount of workload strains him enough to be hitting the beds early, damn he’s getting old, he thinks. Maybe going to the bar with Hinata wouldn’t be a bad idea, he definitely needed to unwind. Maybe some alcohol and dancing with Hinata would help.

Two hours later and they’re both sweating on the dance floor - the full LED dance floor - which Atsumu admits is pretty damn cool. The way the lights illuminate Hinata’s body and exposed skin drove him nuts, especially when Hinata has been grinding on him for the better part of the last hour and it’s got him hot and thirsty, in all senses of the word. He finally manages to get a coherent sentence out and tells Hinata he’s heading to the bar to get them both drinks, gently detaching himself from his lover.

“I’ll just be here then babe” Hinata replies, still moving to the beat albeit alone now. 

Atsumu dodges the mass of bodies and makes it to the bar unscathed, he doesn’t want to be away from Hinata for too long. 

“A daiquiri and another beer, please” he shouts above the music to the bartender and is replied with a nod. He leans his back on the bar, resting both of his elbows and lets out a breath _haa maybe I am getting old,_ chuckling sightly to himself at the thought.

He hears the bartender setting down their drinks on the bar before Atsumu could lament any longer.

“Damn, they're putting on a show huh” the bartender says to Atsumu, his eyes on the dancefloor. 

“Haha thought you’d be use-” Atsumu’s jaws drop as his eyes focus on what the bartender was referring to. 

There in the middle of the dancefloor, Hinata, his Hinata, grinding and sucking face with some random man for all to see. Anger boils his blood, but his eyes cannot look away. Atsumu’s feet walk towards them without much thought, drinks on the bar forgotten, harshly separating the two before pushing the man away from Hinata.

“Yo, that’s my man!” Atsumu screams, holding Hinata by the arms. The man puts his hands up defensively, face smiling apologetically.

“Woah woah, I don’t want trouble, little cutie here said he was alone.” He smirks at Hinata, but Hinata wasn’t looking at any of them, pouting in the distance. Atsumu forces a smile, tongue pushing the inside of his cheeks. The man smiles, winking before leaving them. Atsumu turns to Hinata, who’s still ignoring him. He pulls Hinata away from the crowd and out of the bar.

The taxi ride home is silent, but Atsumu could feel his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. He feels his anger building, but holds back as he grips the seat beneath him until his knuckles turn white. He looks at Hinata from the corner of his eyes, Hinata’s body turning away from him looking out the window.

As soon as they’re inside, away from any prying eyes, it didn’t take much time before the two of them start their fight.

“What the fuck are ya doing, Shoyo?” Atsumu’s voice thunders throughout the house.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about Atsumu.”

“Bullshit, ya know exactly what ya did.” Hinata scoffs, putting his hands on his hips and cocks his head to the side.

“Okay yeah I kissed a dude. What of it?”

“You were sucking his face off in the middle of the dance floor.”

“I don’t see why you gotta be so pissed about it.” Atsumu’s irritation flares up, he feels like punching something and Hinata’s innocent face isn’t helping it all.

“We were on a date, for fuck’s sake! And ya can’t just go hookin’ up with some rando in front of me!”

“Tell me one good reason why I shouldn’t?”

At any given point in time in Atsumu’s life, Atsumu threads his words lightly to get the things he wants easily. He’s good with words, one of the things he’s confident enough to get through life. He thinks about the many possible ways and options that would make the road to success quicker, faster, easier. He blames the alcohol, he blames the amount of drinks he takes that is intoxicating his brain and makes them filter proof. He wasn’t fully aware of the words that came out of his mouth from this moment on, but he wasn’t regretting it either.

“You’re mine, Shoyo, that’s fucking why.” Atsumu is choking with rage, he feels he needs to tell everything tonight, it’s now or never. He wants Hinata all for himself, he wants Hinata to be his.

“Yours? YOURS? Dude I am nobody’s property, I don’t belong to anyone! Fuck Tsumu I thought we discussed this!”

“Yes but I can’t help it if I want you all for myself! To be by my side-”

“Oh no no no, don’t go there with your bullshit romantic words. I’m only here as your trophy wife dude, you go spewing shit that I’m your boyfriend and putting lovey dovey captions on our photos just to show me off and stroke your ego. As if I didn’t notice that?” Hinata’s voice is filling the room, getting louder than ever, Atsumu hates it.

“I don’t treat you that way!”

“Then don’t tie me down as if we’re in a committed relationship. Last I checked, I have no ring on me!”

They fall silent for a while, the air thick and filled with their anger. Atsumu looks at Hinata, his eyes were bright in the dimly lit room, mouth set in a hard line. He sighs, inching closer toward Hinata, but the latter puts up a hand between them to stop him from moving any further.

Atsumu’s voice turns low, “I just… I just wish ya could be a bit more considerate towards me.”

“I know, Tsumu, but you have to understand we are not in a relationship. Whatever you feel towards my actions is not my responsibility, we are not together Ats-”

“I am in love with ya, Shoyo.”

Hinata’s eyes were saucer wide, mouth gaping at Atsumu as if he couldn’t believe what he just said.

“I am so, so deeply in love with ya that I can’t bear watchin’ ya go sleepin’ around with strangers. I want ya for myself. I want ya to be mine.”

Atsumu’s voice is earnest, and gentle. He’s pouring his heart out in the open, hoping for a chance that Hinata would accept this badly timed confession. But as luck has it, it didn't turn out quite like what Atsumu wanted.

He steps in closer towards Hinata, but his heart drops to the floor when Hinata moves back away, holding both his hands up between them, fear in those bright honey eyes.

“No. Oh fuck, no… no. Atsumu we… we can’t. I, I can’t do this anymore. Shit, I should’ve stopped this sooner when I heard you say those words in bed.” Hinata proceeds to grab his bag and hastily shoving his stuff in it.

“No, Shoyo wait let me explain-”

“No, Atsumu,” Hinata drops his bag onto the floor. “I should’ve realised and rejected you early on if I’d known you can’t be a part of my lifestyle. Don’t you understand? You can’t force me into having a relationship with you! Or anybody for that matter! I like my life, I love being free, do not push me into loving you!”

Atsumu hears his heart shattering in the eerie silence of their house, bit by bit dropping onto the floor. He’s stunned, a slap on the face, the truth he’s tried to avoid for so long. Hinata stares him in the eyes, not bulging from his place. He’s so close to him, yet his eyes felt so distant.

Hinata sighs again, continuing his packing and that makes Atsumu move again. “Wait, Shoyo.” Hinata looks at him, face painted with annoyance.

“I know you don’t want a relationship, but, Shoyo… stay… Don’t move out, please.” Hinata’s eyes went round.

“Are you mad? I can’t stay here knowing damn well you want more than what we bargain for.”

“No I, I won’t do anything. Just stay, please... don’t leave.”

Atsumu’s voice is so low, so pitiful, almost whispering those last few words. He can’t do this, he doesn’t want anything else but Hinata with him. He feels lost, he hates it. This wasn’t supposed to happen, he’d rather lose himself rather than lose Hinata. No, this is still his selfish brain speaking. He doesn’t want to lose to anybody, especially not his brother, his pride is still flaming fires in his chest, he cannot let Hinata slip through his hands.

Hinata looks at Atsumu for a few more seconds before placing his bag back on the table. He crosses his arm on his chest.

“Fine, I’ll stay. But don’t expect me to love you the way you want me to, Atsumu.”

Atsumu feels himself worsen by the weeks. Hinata still lives with him, but now most of the time he’s out, sometimes going days without coming back home. They rarely talk properly, and the only form of communication that they have is through sex. It was still great, but Atsumu felt like Hinata was out of reach even when they’re literally skin to skin. He knows, and is pretty sure when Hinata is not home, he’s off to bars and clubs, then sleeping around with strangers after strangers. He knows this, and yet, Atsumu still waits for him, even when Hinata doesn’t come home. They don’t talk about it, and try their hardest to pretend whatever they have can just go on as it is.

His effort of waiting for Hinata takes a toll on him, unfortunately. Atsumu didn’t get enough sleep, and loses focus at work. His mind couldn’t concentrate well on his tasks when they are only filled with Hinata and how to get him back. He doesn’t really do all his upkeep, losing appetite and skips meals most of the time. Eyebags formed under his eyes, dark and deep, and his roots are growing out disgustingly. He realises he’s slowly going into depression mode, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care because his mind has nothing but Hinata.

Hinata, from not coming back home days, slowly turns to weeks, and sometimes a month. Atsumu waits, and it’s driving him crazy. But he couldn’t tell anyone, he doesn’t even want to meet anybody. He hasn’t called his friends or family in months, and that has gotten his brother knocking the door of his apartment to check up on him.

“Fuck Tsumu, ya look like shit.” Osamu says as he enters the house.

“Thanks, we have the exact same face.”

“No I mean it, ya look like death,” He walks into the house, putting a bag of food on the countertop of his kitchen island. Osamu scrunches his face as he smells something horrid, turning to the kitchen and surprised to see dishes unwashed, garbage filled and spilling out on the floor, and leftovers on the stove that looked like it hasn’t been touched for weeks. “What’s going on, where’s Hinata-san?”

Atsumu ignores him, opening the bag of bento that Osamu packed for him. He hasn’t eaten any proper food for so long, his mouth is salivating. He takes a piece of onigiri and stuffs it in his mouth hastily.

“Jesus christ, slow down ya animal. What in the world is happening to ya?” After Atsumu downs his third onigiri and reaches out for the fourth, Osamu snatches the bag away. “Ya tell me the whole story first or else I’m bringin’ this home with me.”

Atsumu sighs defeatedly, and tells the whole story. There wasn’t any point in lying because Osamu is perceptive enough to put two and two together, figuring out everything just as fast even if the story doesn’t make sense. Osamu is quiet for the most part, and when he finishes telling everything, Osamu puts the bag on the table again.

“Tsumu I’m saying this with full of love, yer the most idiotic piece of donkey shit I’ve ever met.”

“That’s very creative of ya, Samu.”

“Yer really out here, living this in garbage,” he points towards the kitchen, “and still think ya have a slightest chance to get Hinata-san back with ya? Tsumu ya have to be a nimwit to be thinking that.”

“I have to try dont I?” Atsumu gulps the remaining rice in his mouth. “I will not give up until I have Shoyo back into my arms.”

“He was never in yer arms in the first place! Tsumu yer crazy! Ya fucking yerself up, yer hair which is yer pride and glory is now greasy and growing out, ya look like the living dead and Morino-san from yer workplace even called me to tell me about how yer doing badly at work. And for what, yer pride over getting this… this person who doesn’t want you for fucks sake!”

Atsumu murmurs the next few words, hoping Osamu doesn't catch it. But he did and Osamu feels his vein pop out of his neck.

“Yer kidding me? Ya want him back because ya don’t want to lose to me? For the love of God, Atsumu, wake up! Look at yerself in the mirror! How is you destroying yerself any way to beat me or whatever shit yer spewing right now?”

“This is more than just winning, Samu. I don’t want to fall behind. I… I just don’t. I can’t. I don’t want to. I want him.”

Osamu sighs, trying to calm himself down. “Tsumu please, don’t break yerself for something that’s not yours.”

At Osamu’s words, Atsumu eats his remaining onigiri with his head down, tears falling on his kitchen table. What’s there left to say, Atsumu knows it’s all pointless. Osamu pats Atsumu’s back before pulling his hair. “Ow!” “Finish up your food and I'll help you clean this pig sty you brat.”

The visit from Osamu helped cheer him up and drag his head back to earth. The next day, Atsumu takes a proper look at his reflection in the mirror. _What the fuck,_ he groans into the sink and makes an appointment with his hairdresser the minute he’s out of the bathroom.

With Hinata not being home for a while, the door suddenly unlocking one evening scared Atsumu shitless. He nearly calls the police before he sees Hinata entering the house, face serious. 

“Atsumu, we need to talk. Properly.”

They sit facing each other on the couch, Hinata visibly stiff while Atsumu prepares to open his mouth. 

“Sho-” 

“It’s over. We need to break this off. Whatever this is, Atsumu. I don’t enjoy being anyone’s trophy. I don’t know how you really see me but i’m not what you are hoping for and you can’t make me that person. I have no idea why you’re still with me, but I can’t bear to see you wrecking yourself anymore. Forget about me. I’m sorry. Goodbye.”

Hinata sounded so set in his conviction, Atsumu couldn’t even get a word out of his mouth. He nods pathetically, mind still reeling. Hinata doesn’t wait for a response and gets up to pack his remaining things. 

Atsumu hadn't even noticed how Hinata’s things have gradually emptied out of their house and all he could do was watch him as he completely removes himself from the world Atsumu has built in his mind. 

Hinata sighs into the air and takes one last look at Atsumu, still perched on the sofa, and bids a silent goodbye. There’s nothing left to say. Atsumu stares at the door for a long time after Hinata left it shut in his wake. 

When he snaps back to himself, he lets out a choked sob. It quickly turns into full out crying as he pushes his palms to his eyes. He reaches out for his phone and dials the first number on his contact list and whispers “I lost” as Osamu picks up the phone. 

He hangs up soon after and allows himself to curl on the sofa, crying in his empty house. He hopes he’d stop crying when his brother gets here but for now he allows himself to feel miserable. 

Atsumu feels as if he’s lost it all. He’s lost the one person he selfishly loves, lost in whatever childish game he insists is going on with his twin and worst of all he knows he’s lost himself along the way.

**Author's Note:**

> come cry over angst with us on twitter! [ hani's twitter ](https://twitter.com/moonstarkeiji) and [ bun's twitter ](https://twitter.com/inarizakillme)
> 
> drop us a follow if you'd like to because we'll be posting a new story every day for Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 :)
> 
> kudos and comments appreciated hehe


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